JOKE

[Ivana]

Management student kisses a girl.

Girl: Whats this?

Boy: Its called DIRECT MARKETING.
(Girl slaps the boy)

Boy: What is this?

Girl: This is CUSTOMER FEED BACK.

[Raam]

Collected 'Funny' Trading Book Names



Trading in the Twilight Zone

How I made $20 in the Stock Market

Stock Market Blizzards

Probably High Trading

Technical Analysis of Stock Traps

How to Make Money in Stockings

A Random Hock Down Wall Street

Trading is for Dummies

Options, Pricing, and Futility

To Kill a Martingale

"Getting Finished in Options" , the Last Edition

Options as a Tragic Investment

Trading for a Survival

Come into my Trading Trunk

Technical Analysis of the Fickle Markets

How to make a fortune selling books about the Stock Markets

Fraud Like a Hedge Fund

Lucky Market Lizards

Reminiscences of a Commission Generator

Trading for a bankruptcy filling

[Ivana]

http://pcm-fx.com/pcmupload/uploads/1389877065751.jpg (http://pcm-fx.com/pcmupload/)

[Katy]

http://pcm-fx.com/pcmupload/uploads/1391238488741.jpg (http://pcm-fx.com/pcmupload/)

[Ivana]

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'
'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.
'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'
'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'

[Mick]

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10. The Villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for $50. The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to the 'Stock Market'.

[Mick]

These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:
"Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"
The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"

[Ivana]

haahaaa gud one :)

[Ivana]

This is a one liner, still too funny to miss.

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night............. I woke up every hour and cried :)

[Mick]

yeah that was a gud one. Here is another epic stock broker joke....

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for 100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said ‘You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works in Wall Street.

[Ivana]

haaahaaa thats funny.... kidding apart, what are you upto these days?

[Mick]

well I was in stocks... I am moving to forex and commodities. There is so much money to be made in forex these days you know... and commodities are more reliable than stocks these days :) haahaaaaa

[Ivana]

ohhh thats good.... give me some tips in forex... I mean any educational material or something... I want to do forex trading too... if your trades are successful, I will copy your trades ;)

[Mick]

yeah sure, I can help... there is a ton of information on this same forum you know... refer to educational topics section... yeah you can copy trade me..

[kathrine]

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

[kathrine]

The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.

[Ivana]

This is so hilarious...:) <br />
<br />
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT <br />
<br />
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? <br />
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm...

[Mick]

The more I read this the more it makes perfectly good sense.
Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool, and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC, a TV, radio, and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised -lights off at 8pm, showers once a week, live in a tiny room, pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all.

[kathrine]

Forex trader: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.

Forex trader: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.

Forex trader: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second …

[kathrine]

Forex money manager goes at the street and very nice young lady ask him:

Lady: Dear sir, im making poll, can i ask you simple question?
Manager: Of course you can.

Lady: What is your average income?
Manager: My average income is around 200 000 $.

Lady: Im sorry, i thought your monthly income.
Manager: Im sorry, i thought daily.

[kathrine]

April. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in currencies in. The others are July, January, September, October, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

[kathrine]

How do you find a good small-cap fund manager?

Find a good large-cap fund manager, and wait

[Mick]

The intricacies of the financial crisis

The intricacies of the financial crisis are not well understood. The explanation below arrived in my inbox and certainly seemed to assist in debunking the myths of the crisis.
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar.
Taking advantage of her customers’ freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.
Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s bar.
However they cannot pay back the debts.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi’s bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation.
Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation I understand

[kathrine]

Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?

A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

[kathrine]

A doctor told his patient that her test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a stockbroker," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life!"

[Ivana]

Banker and Tailor

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."

"Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"

[Mick]

Investment Banker Jokes.

An investment banker said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one in the street yesterday.



Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them.



A man visits his bank manager and says, "How do I start a small business?" The manager replies, "Start a large one and wait six months."



If you owe the bank £100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank £100m, that's the bank's problem

[kathrine]

Q: What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?

A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

[kathrine]

Chart - what you check after you exit trading, trying to understand what went wrong.

System Trading - a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade did not work out the way you meant.

Break – a pause you take when you have either 2 profitable or 5 unprofitable deals in a row.

Moving Average - a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you have an open position.

Trend Line - an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market is closed or when you are not looking.

Day Trading - trading which you start too late and exit too early.

Scalping - losing only an eighth in one go.

Confusion - 6 open positions.

Friday – a weekly opportunity to give back everything you gained that week.

[Ivana]

A collection of small jokes

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
-----------------
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
-------------------
"The president announced new budget slashes. And he's slashing education. It is a genius plan "when the kids graduate they won't have the math skills to calculate how much debt they're actually in." - Craig Ferguson
------------------
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment, and the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.

[kathrine]

Two stock brokers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the two stock brokers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the stock brokers jams something into the other stockbroker's hand. Without looking down, the second stockbroker whispers: "What is this?" The first stockbroker : "It's the $100 I owe you!

[kathrine]

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

[Mick]

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

[steph.wis]

Couple of interesting one liners . Enjoy.

The market is weird.
Every time one guy sells, another one buys,
and they both think they’re smart.

What’s another name for long term investment?
A failed short term investment!

A study of economics usually reveals
that the best time to buy anything was last year.

Who was the world’s first stock broker?
Noah – He floated his stock while the world was in liquidation.

An investor to his advisor:
Is really all my money gone?
No, of course not. It’s just with somebody else!

There are three kinds of people.
Those who can count and those who cannot.

My wife’s purse was stolen the other day.
It had all her credit cards in it.
I was going to report it but the thief was spending less than she was!

[Ivana]

Height of materialism:

A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You yuppies are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."
"Oh, my God!" screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"

[Ivana]

http://myforexforums.com/upload/do.php?img=441 (http://myforexforums.com/upload/)

[Ivana]

http://myforexforums.com/upload/do.php?img=442 (http://myforexforums.com/upload/)

[Ivana]

http://myforexforums.com/upload/do.php?img=443 (http://myforexforums.com/upload/)

[samibaba]

Hello Dear i am here New anyone Welcome me :D

[samibaba]

well anyone speak in urdu & Hindi ?

[Stickwoman]

A man who makes coffin was on his way to deliver one of his coffins when his car broke down.

Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him & wanted to make some money off him so they challenged him, "Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man said, "I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating!!!"

[versial]

hahahah so funny

[TetragTaf]

hahahah so funny Bravo , the ideal answer.

[zobi]

it was nice conversation here, good forum i said before

but it need more improvements to be best site for traders

regards

[Danielpeters]

Hahahah... ;)