Take the Market, don't let the Market take You

[Mick]

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[Raam]

Patient / Endurance Runner: (had surgery to remove tumor in leg and has 5" incision in thigh... Ran half-marathon the day before surgery and a 50km run 3 weeks before surgery.)


Surgeon Doc: "you can start running again after 2 weeks, if you really want to, but you need to take it easy, to start off with."

Patient / Endurance Runner: (runs 2 miles with a few breaks to walk some, exactly 2 weeks after surgery.)


Physical Therapist Doc: "I think you are doing too much... You need to take it easy."


Patient / Endurance Runner: "I thought running 2 miles with breaks is taking it easy. It's a lot less than running 31 miles." ...

[Ivana]

Not same as other

[Francesco]

[Katy]

[Mick]

Face of capitalism


Traditional capitalism:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.
American capitalism (or enro-capitalism):
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
An australian corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4 year's time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A french corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
A japanese corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A german corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A british corporation:
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
An italian corporation:
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A russian corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A swiss corporation:
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.
A chinese corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A new zealand corporation:
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...

[Francesco]

Management student kisses a girl.
Girl: Whats this?
Boy: Its called DIRECT MARKETING.
(Girl slaps the boy)
Boy: What is this?
Girl: This is CUSTOMER FEED BACK.

[Katy]

[Francesco]

The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.

[Katy]

The student and the professor of economics.
A student asked a professor of economics:
- What is the difference between socialism and capitalism ?
The professor answered:
- Capitalism is the exploitation of humans by humans
The Student:
- And socialism ?
The professor:
- It's the inverse of course.